Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
