I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
