So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
