My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
