Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
