i just made my gag reflex go away.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
