you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
