pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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