i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
