hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
