dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
