Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
