If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize