I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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