yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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