I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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