I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
