Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
