I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
