Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
