So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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