Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
