Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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