I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
