soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
