omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
