Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
