Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize