happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
