Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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