i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize