I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
should my penis look like a turkey
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had to cum in my sink.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
