Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
