Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
