I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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