You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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