I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
