some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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