I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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