I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize