Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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