I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize