So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
