And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
