Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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