Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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