Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
