There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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