dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
