My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
