We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
