Sponge bath it is.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
