I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
