I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
