Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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