If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
