Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize