Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do vagina's smell?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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