oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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