Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
