I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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