At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
