I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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