I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I believe in your delicious
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
