i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
