): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
