The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
