why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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