Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
