i wish peter jackson would direct porn
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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